Thresholds

This evening I’m sitting with thresholds on my mind, especially those infinitesimal ones between one reality and another.   Those micro-gaps between experiences that can unlock doors to so many possibilities – the potential for an unexpected joy, a deep tragedy, or anything in between.   The interesting thing about these edges of reality is that we usually can’t see them ahead of us and often, led by our innate longing for predictability and certainty, don’t realize the infinite openings that lie just beyond the moment we are currently experiencing. 

My most impactful moment of crossing over one of these thresholds happened almost nine years ago when I was sitting on the border of a new reality without even knowing it existed – as if I was standing on the edge of a chasm I was about to fall into, but all I could see ahead of me was solid ground.   You can imagine my disorientation when I found myself lying at the bottom of trauma, tragedy, and heartache that didn’t exist a microsecond before.   I experienced in less than a heartbeat a tragic, sudden, and deep loss that nothing in my prior reality could have prepared me for.

As you might imagine, it has been a long and arduous journey to find my way back to anything that feels like certainty and solid ground.  That moment in time, that nanosecond of my life, abruptly shattered pieces of me that at times I wasn’t sure would ever find their way back together. 

What I’m left with today is how that one tiny threshold, that miniscule space between light and dark, between laughter and tears, beckoned me into another world of thresholds – the ones that began to exist as my heart started to heal.  The edges where I learned to embrace my grief rather than run from it, the precipices where I began to be aware of the sacredness of life rather than succumbing to the mundane, and the limitless boundaries of love that appeared across every new horizon. 

I sit with my experience now and see it as just one of the infinite possible thresholds that might have shown up in my life – not with a sanguine or grateful outlook on trauma and tragedy – but ultimately with a much deeper appreciation for the unpredictability of life and with slightly more openness to whatever thresholds lie ahead. 💜